I Wanted

I wanted to touch her face
To put my arms around her
And pull her bosom to my own
I wanted to explore every part of her
With fingertips and lips
Breathing in all that is exquisite
And relish in a beauty that is her

Love and thoughts

Love is such a confusing term. When you say you love someone, you are often required to specify the kind of love. Like the love between a mother and child, love between a married couple, love for a sibling, and love for a friend among others. I wouldn’t say that I love everyone, because there are certainly people out there that I don’t particularly care for. Yet, when I say I love people, I don’t mean it differently. The relationship between me and the other party may be a certain way, but love does not necessarily signify the type of relationship. So why the need to specify at all? Why must people restrict and place about all of these rules regarding love and what it is. I often wonder if we truly know or understand the meaning of it at all. The words in our languages only pertain to a miniscule amount of the meaning of love to me. It is this vast and expansive thing. So I get asked if I am a monogamous person in the sense that I only will ever love one person (forget about the sex aspect of this for a moment). No, I am not monogamous in that sense. In the sexual sense, I am comfortable, but I do have desires that are beyond the means of my partner and maybe beyond their comfort level. It’s frustrating sometimes to live trying to fit into societal expectations. People often hear my ramblings as something “cute and funny” or “trying to get attention”. Yet it’s not even about that. It’s just about feeling safe enough and secure enough to express my being and who I am. Certainly, I do not want to tell the world how I feel. I’m not sure I am even explaining it very well in this post.

All I know at this moment is that love is something beyond humanity and still far beyond my understanding of it. Love does not equate attraction. Love does not equate sex.

Me + (Another Person) = Love(without need for understanding or specification)

I am

I am defiant
Testing the water
To see how deeply
That I may wade

I am a thinker
Wishing someone
Would think for me
Lifting this burden

I am a lover
Unable to be confined
By the rules or restrictions
Set by society

I am unknown
Waiting to be broken
To have walls destroyed
And held in a vulnerable state

Close

You were so close
I was afraid
Not of your love
But of this pain
It eats at my chest
It folds me in half
It hurts too much
To breathe in

I wept for your touch
That I’d avoid
You wanted my trust
Your want destroyed
The heart in my chest
It barely beats
I vaguely recall
What it felt like

Gone

Gone are your eyes
That once looked into mine
Empty as the night
Under starless skies

Gone are your lips
That once kissed mine
Tasteless as the quips
That your tongue did lie

Gone is your love
That you once had for me
Whittled into slivers
Lodged within my dreams

Break Apart

When I see you I’m mixed with pain and pleasure
Cause I know what’s coming and it doesn’t get better
These cracks are fragile and they make me tremor
Because no amount of glue could hold me together

Before you open your mouth to speak
I break apart and fall at your feet
I don’t mean to be timid and meek
But only you can make me feel so weak

What do I belie…

What do I believe in? If I had to choose something, I would choose the stars. In darkness, their light—although distant, is still and bright. That light reminds me that I know where I am, and where I am going.

Thoughts of You

Keep you close to my heart
And keep you in every one of my thoughts
Those thoughts they flood my eyes
And amount to the tears that I cry

Pains from the cold winds blow
Against my cheek because I do not know
When my tears freeze to snow
Will I be able to let each drop go
Watch you falling down
Like no sign of stars in night sky
I watch you hit the ground
And it pains me to say good-bye

Bitter

Bitter words
Traversing bitter tongues
Stumbling over bitter lips
Spilled from bitter lungs

The Ground Below

Another world so full of wonder
Which compelled him to dwell among us
From the sky he tore asunder
To plant himself on the ground below

The stars grew pale and sick with worry
Their light sought him out with much fury
Through the sky they coursed in a hurry
As he walked on the ground below